i’m already starting to think about how i’ve completely screwed up my opportunities in life.
i hate regretting, i really do. but i really regret picking my subject combination now.
and now, i think i really should have done triple science. it’s not that i can’t handle it, it’s simply that i didn’t want to try… i didn’t want to have to drop a subject, since i’m already taking music.
but having physics… that’s so much more for me to choose… even though i know i probably will never be a pilot, that option’s cancelled out for me cos i don’t do physics. and medicine… it does require physics too.
.
i’m really just wondering… where on earth am i going with my life. where on earth am i steering it towards? is being a vet something that i really really want to do? is this the way my life should be?
why on earth does it feel as if something just isn’t right, as if this isn’t the path i should be taking? why does this feel as if it doesn’t belong to me, as if i shouldn’t be doing what i’m doing now.
if i could choose all over again, what on earth would i have chosen? would that be the right path for me?
.
i don’t wanna feel so lost. i need my heading.
.
i think my sis is gonna read this. so i’m gonna address this to her.
sis, if you wanna go to ANU, go ahead. i think that’s what’s best for your future, and i know you thinkĀ that too.
it’s that age old fight again, the struggle between responsibility and realising your dreams, if all thisĀ is your dream. go ahead and realise it. learn to let go of everything else, they will learn. slowly, surely, they will learn.
this isn’t the answer that you want to hear, you told me that already. sis, no one can give you the answer that you wanna hear. so pray and pray, and listen to the answer that God gives you. it may or may not be the answer that you wanna hear, but you know that that’s the path that is best for you.
no matter where you go sis, i’ll always be behind you supporting you. that’s what sisters are for eh?
but if you do go to Australia… please promise that you’ll visit often, or take me over there to visit you.
don’t make me live the rest of my life as if i’m an only child.
.
i don’t wanna think so much anymore.
Edinburgh, i’m working towards you.