reflection

{ June 18, 2009 @ 1:11 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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back from Taiwan. quite enjoyed myself, but i’m glad to be home. Taiwan’s too far from my comfort zone.

i think. semester 2 is gonna be busy. i’ve got more stuff to handle now. so i honestly don’t believe i’ll be able to keep up with blogging.

i’m slowly losing sight of the point of blogging. it’s something i really enjoy doing, but i mean. what’s the point of writing if there’s a million other thoughts you just can’t put here? and what’s the point of having a blog if you don’t let others read it.

i’m rather surprised (and honoured) that people still come here every now and then.

so yeah. i think i’m gonna stop blogging for a nice long while. maybe i’ll pick it up again some other day.

bye(:

be still.

{ June 1, 2009 @ 11:41 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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find rest, my soul
in Christ alone.
draw His power,
in quietness and trust….

i’m intoxicated.

ah, music… it’s like a drug in itself. it heals the most hurt of souls, and it’s so addictive.

for that moment as the music surrounds you… it’s like a different realm… a place where all our emotions take flight, where we don’t need words to say anything, people just feel it. it’s beautiful.

officially, i’m addicted to Johan de Meij’s arrangement of Phantom. it’s really plain gorgeous.

Alvamar Overture, Seagates Overture, Fantasy Variations, Ghost Train…

and the geniuses behind the most beautiful pieces i’ve heard. Eric Whitacre, James Barnes, Bert Appermont, David Gillingham, Eiji Suzuki… some of them are arrangers, some are composers, yet all of them are brilliant.

goodness.

i wish i could stay within this realm of music, a different world from everyone else’s.

it’s a paradise.

i hate reality.

flying.

{ May 27, 2009 @ 12:28 am } · { Uncategorized }
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i regret.

too soon.

{ May 21, 2009 @ 11:47 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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i’m already starting to think about how i’ve completely screwed up my opportunities in life.

i hate regretting, i really do. but i really regret picking my subject combination now.

and now, i think i really should have done triple science. it’s not that i can’t handle it, it’s simply that i didn’t want to try… i didn’t want to have to drop a subject, since i’m already taking music.

but having physics… that’s so much more for me to choose… even though i know i probably will never be a pilot, that option’s cancelled out for me cos i don’t do physics. and medicine… it does require physics too.

.

i’m really just wondering… where on earth am i going with my life. where on earth am i steering it towards? is being a vet something that i really really want to do? is this the way my life should be?

why on earth does it feel as if something just isn’t right, as if this isn’t the path i should be taking? why does this feel as if it doesn’t belong to me, as if i shouldn’t be doing what i’m doing now.

if i could choose all over again, what on earth would i have chosen? would that be the right path for me?

.

i don’t wanna feel so lost. i need my heading.

.

i think my sis is gonna read this. so i’m gonna address this to her.

sis, if you wanna go to ANU, go ahead. i think that’s what’s best for your future, and i know you think that too.

it’s that age old fight again, the struggle between responsibility and realising your dreams, if all this is your dream. go ahead and realise it. learn to let go of everything else, they will learn. slowly, surely, they will learn.

this isn’t the answer that you want to hear, you told me that already. sis, no one can give you the answer that you wanna hear. so pray and pray, and listen to the answer that God gives you. it may or may not be the answer that you wanna hear, but you know that that’s the path that is best for you.

no matter where you go sis, i’ll always be behind you supporting you. that’s what sisters are for eh?

but if you do go to Australia… please promise that you’ll visit often, or take me over there to visit you.

don’t make me live the rest of my life as if i’m an only child.

.

i don’t wanna think so much anymore.

Edinburgh, i’m working towards you.

peace

{ May 21, 2009 @ 1:14 am } · { Uncategorized }
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i like being up at such unearthly hours (it’s 1.13 AM as i’m typing this!)

okay, it’s not that unearthly. i’ve been up beyond this time, but i have to go to sleep before i get hungry.

it’s really peaceful now.

feel like going to some really high place and just looking out at a sleeping city.

.

yeah.

that’d be awesome.

i can’t.

{ May 18, 2009 @ 7:07 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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firstly, before i move on to ruin the mood, many thanks to everyone for the absolutely wonderful birthday i had!

all the wishes, gifts, whatnots… i’m really really grateful(:

thanks for making me feel so loved! i really really appreciate it(:

.

i shouldn’t be thinking like this. it’s such a downer amidst all the happy happy birthdays we have this week.

.

i’m not being a good senior.

i’m not helping my section get better. i’ve been irresponsible, insensitive and just about totally blind.

how on earth can i expect everyone to have that sort of passion, especially since i’ve never actually reached out to try to help out? how on earth could i have been so irresponsible and so impossibly lazy?

no, i can’t just say it’s beyond my control.

not anymore.

.

got nominated for prefectorial board.

and i seriously don’t know if it’s good or bad.

someone help me decide.

(:

{ May 10, 2009 @ 9:12 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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simply isn’t.

{ May 7, 2009 @ 9:16 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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what i need now is a break.

i can’t wait for June. but that’s about four weeks and at least six tests away

.

isn’t time impatient.

isn’t life cruel.

life obviously knows that time doesn’t wait for us, yet life continues to distract us all from what really matters, as time continues to move, and we slowly, slowly, run out of time.

life, give me a break. i’m already starting to lose myself.

so during June, i’m going to read my days away. when i’m not studying or practicing my instruments, i’m going to read.

anyone has any motivational books to recommend? some books that are sort of like Tuesdays With Morrie and The Five People You Meet In Heaven?

and i needa go to Bras Pasah and buy Christian Literature.

i need to read.

.

9 days(:

pain.

{ April 26, 2009 @ 8:01 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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never knew just how much it’d hurt to let go.

maybe that’s the reason why. all this happened so we would learn to let go, experience the pain, grow stronger.

i need strength that i don’t have.

times like this, i wish i had a shoulder to lean on. but there are things in life, and times in life where we all have to walk with no one but God.

all this serves as a good reminder that there’s no one we can depend on except God.

forgive me.

accepting inadequacy.

{ April 25, 2009 @ 10:08 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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no, i can’t do all this on my own.

it’s all like a whirlwind, i can’t do it, i simply can’t. i am inadequate, i am insufficient, and it’s a fact. i can’t ignore it.

that’s why i’m only human. i’m not God, i can’t do everything.

that’s why i have to learn to ask of the Lord. i can’t do what i’m supposed to do if i don’t ask of Him.

i can’t move on and live life if i don’t pray for the strength to. i can’t handle all that i have to handle if i don’t ask for help.

The Wednesday Letters is a nice book. wonder which funny person donated it to the flea market.

sometimes my best isn’t good enough,
sometimes i need a little more.
that’s why Father has sent me here,
so i could learn to ask of the Lord.

.

once again, i find myself waiting for something that isn’t going to come.

i will stop.

you should too.

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