It’s been so long since this sense of inadequacy has been this strong. It’s been so so long since I last thought about how difficult it can be to please you.
Because it’ll never please you right? Because nothing I ever get apart from the highest possible score will ever make you proud right? Because what you want isn’t improvement, or coping with a major disaster, or a learning experience right? Because all that means anything to you is simply a perfect results slip right?
Because you’ll never be really proud of me? Because you’ll never see how much of an achievement I’ve made since the start of the year? Because you don’t realise how much I’ve grown and changed throughout the course of the year? Because all you see is a measly 31 points and all the staying up and all the failures?
Because really. When will I ever make you proud? When will I ever cease to be a disappointment? When will you look at my results and realise how proud I am of myself and be proud of that as well?
.
And I was getting along so fine without having to worry about what you want or about making you proud.
